Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
and she was petting her beer can
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
