only if we run a train.
done.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
