I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
