so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
