Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
