What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So much rum. So many feels.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
