you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My life is pants optional.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
