i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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