guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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