im six kinds of drunk right now
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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