Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
