No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
