ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
