I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
