I accidentally had phone sex last night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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