wrigley field is MILF paradise
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
