you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
