Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize