Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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