it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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