I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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