I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
