I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
