And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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