R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
