She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
