a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
