Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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