he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
