So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
