i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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