Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
