I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
