Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
