I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The adults are the big ones right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
