Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
