you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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