I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize