Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
