i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
