Just fell off a train. Bad.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
