last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
