just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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