how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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