I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
