I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
