This girl is more easily done than said...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
