so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
