ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
