I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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