just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
