Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
