What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
