I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize