I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
