nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i've created a new STD.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
