I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I could fuck to npr.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
