i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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