i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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