man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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