did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
