direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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