He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm at about main and main street
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
