We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
