It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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