i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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