dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
