i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
