GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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