Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
