Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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