bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
