I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize