she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
